Why I hate tacky Christmas jumpers


I’m not entirely sure when it became ‘cool’ to wear utterly tasteless and tacky Christmas themed jumpers, but everyone seems to be sporting them. And by everyone, I specifically mean those annoying smug people who seamlessly manage to pull off the “oh I haven’t even showered” look.

Girls with matted, backcombed bed hair and guys with over-grown beards and worryingly tight skinny jeans – I know you’ve seen them too!

It’s only the 3rd December but these people genuinely seem to believe it’s trendy to swan around with a giant Rudolf nose sticking out their ribs.

Instead of donning a traditional Christmas jumper – that is, one that your granny made and you wouldn’t be seen dead wearing out the house, (let alone on Instagram) in comes this new and dangerous form, the ‘cool’ Christmas jumper. This is really not OK.

Christmas jumpers are not ‘cool’. They have never been ‘cool’. Ever. They’re bright and ill-fitting, tragic, oversized, embarrassing woollen things that stay at the back of your wardrobe for a very good reason. They are a fashion disaster.

So why, dear baby Jesus, are semi-respected celebs and so-called fashion magazines printing them on the pages of this winter seasons ‘must haves’? Why are they plastered on every mannequin in the Christmas section of department stores, staring back at me in all their wretched glory? Why are these gaudy things even a ‘thing’?

I’ve been trying my best. I really have. To ignore their insulting sight. To walk on by and dismiss them as some mainstream tack. But this is more serious than I originally thought. Every hip, alternative guy donning a Santa beard is wearing one. And the worst part is they actually think they look good!

So if you are one of these people who instead of dreading the imminent horror of knitted gifts awaiting you under the Christmas tree, actually looks forward to putting on a hideous *trendy* jumper with snowflakes, reindeer and the like scattered across the front, please stop. Please stop inflicting this nonsense on my sore eyes. And please don’t let there be a ‘wear your tacky Christmas jumper to work day’.

Because although I may not be a fashion guru, and yes most of my clothes are from mainstream Topshop, there is no way we are at a point where heinous Christmas jumpers are fashionable…


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